What has happened

Ok, so I guess it's fair to update my vast readership of what's up! I'm sure my lack of recent blogging has been the talk of the town, of the world. Well people, you can calm down now because I'm about to update you!

Do you want to hear what will happen or what has happened first?

Chronological order tends not to fail...

Part I: Bad Planning, aka We Suck At Life
So, there was some talk about Christoffer and I going to the US. As our apartment was shared with someone else, it was too complicated to be able to plan a potentially spontaneous trip/move to the New World while considering an outsider's life plans. So I told Christoffer to take action. When he failed to take action, I took action. I canceled our lease. (which wasn't a contract at all since it was BLACK aka cashunderthetable which is the only way to rent in this poorly planned city. Also, ONLY subleases unless you are rich and/or lucky.). We would move out in 2 weeks. Notice the housing shortage situation I mentioned... If you want to buy an apartment you may do so, but the value of apartments has TRIPLED in the past 10 years (lucky 35-40 year olds can make a killing on their first apartment they bought 10 years ago). OH, and I guess an income would be nice to buy an apartment as well (ask Christoffer about that). So it was less than a week from move-out day, and... nothing. Christoffer and I were at our wit's end. Within 1 week we had spent $50 posting and re-posting our "housing wanted" ad 3 times so it'd appear on page 1 or 2. We'd had chances to take really cheap places, but we are talking g-h-e-t-t-o. Some of us have standards (one of us, and it wasn't particularly me). We went to one showing in the borderline-ghetto but it was a really nice apartment, and the girl had met another candidate that evening and then us 20 minutes later. Two hours after we left she would call us with her decision (WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT??) She picked the other people because they had a BABY. Is THAT what it takes to get a friggin flat these days??? A BABY?? Couples with babies get all sorts of cash & other rewards from the government so I'm pretty sure those couples won't have as much trouble finding a decent flat. On the other hand it was noble of the girl to pick them because I guess no one wants to be responsible for turning a baby out onto the streets. In other words, no offense taken.

Long story short, as Christoffer and I were at our lowest desperation, preparing to sell everything for $5, quit our jobs or lack thereof and move to his parents', I got an e-mail. Our "we need to find a cheaper place or else we will be on the streets in 2 months" had left our memories, we didn't give a damn about the money anymore (a problem for a later date, like tomorrow). So we took this huge apartment on the 8th floor in the most sought-after neighborhood in the city, Majorna. So now we are bound to this apartment for 6 months and, oh yeah, with a roommate. She's really cool though. But let's look back and see, did I have to cancel our last apartment? No. Now, same rent, same situation, no options of spontaneously leaving, and no dishwasher this time. Plus the 1000sek move (like $150) and 2 weeks of homelessness before the new contract starts.

Part II: Big Brother- I MEAN, the Civil Register
And now since the new apartment is also dirty and black and probably profitable to the contract holder, we don't have an address to for the "civil register" (aka SOCIALISM TO THE MAX). This civil register address basically defines you. The civil address assumes that there ARE enough apartments for all the people living here, and that everyone actually lives where they are registered. This isn't your usual American writing mom's address for "permanent address" on a Direct Loans form. This is official, socialistic bullshit. So now I kiss goodbye to getting hired, getting mail, payroll, correct taxes, medical care, being allowed to do lots of other things....  Apparently you can't exist without registering yourself somewhere. My question, where do the homeless street people register themselves? And can you repeat and spell that address please?? Again, a problem for the future. But it should preferably be solved within the next minute. Stress.

I should also mention that the reason the moving to the US idea seemed to disappear so carelessly in this mess, it didn't. Thing is, on August 15, 2011 the US discontinued a visa program that would only have taken Christoffer 3 months to obtain a visa. He read me this news on August 17, 2011. Talk about frustration. Especially because we had planned for him to start the application process in early August but just didn't get around to it. So now it will take 7-9 months. (echo: FRUSTRATION).


Part III: Homelessness for the Privileged
Two weeks of homelessness. We stayed in our old place until September 4, even though the new tenants were paying for September's rent and they had to camp out with friends during those days, hahahaha but it's not really funny.... But hahaahahha anyway and a big thank you to them. Then a few nights with Christoffer's brother. He is 4 years younger and has just moved to town with his girlfriend and they got a cheap, central apartment with a legal contract immediately with their first ad posted. (fjkdls;fiew???)

Currently we are staying at Christoffer's good friend Patrik's place. It is what I think you would call a loft, with a spiral staircase and all. He is in Spain for the week, lucky us. (THANKS PATRIK!!!) All of our (read: CHRISTOFFER'S) stuff (read: useless junk collected over the past 25 years) is divided between our new apartment, my dear friend Anna's spacious attic, and a little bit at the little bro's and Patrik's. To move all this stuff we rented a moving truck, returned it not giving a damn about the rest of the stuff. The next day we rented a "rent a wreck" car, returned it even though we could have kept it for 24 hours, because we thought we could handle moving the rest of the shit out of the apartment. (HOW??) The day after that we had 4 people carrying 6 arm/backfulls of shit, planning to take 2 painful tram trips but awkwardly ran into our old landlord who helpfully and awkwardly took us in 2 car trips. Those car trips were my biggest "I want to disappear right now" moments thus far. Maybe you had to be there.

Part IV: Painful Hypochondria
During all of this and for the past 2 months I have been fighting an "överansträngad handled" or I guess you could call it painful hand/wrist/arm/andsometimeselbow&shoulder syndrome or maybe tendinitis. This is a bitch especially when lifting heavy things and moving, but also when caring for old people, doing dishes, applying to a better job, texting people, blogging, surfing the internet on my archaic smartphone while trying to remove my mind from being at work, sleeping with right hand under pillow under head, turning keys, opening doors, opening pop cans, opening beer cans, opening wine bottles, ETC. OD'ing on ibuprofen hasn't helped because I haven't been resting my hand. If I were Swedish, I would go to the doctor and get 5 weeks of partially paid sickleave. But I would rather work for more money (plus I don't think I'm eligible for the sickleave with my type of work contract).

I have learned to live with the pain and liver abuse because the next time I'll have 3 weeks to not use my right hand will be when I am dead.

Part V: What is my occupation anyway?
What is this job I keep complaining about anyway? Well to be fair I shouldn't complain about it, it's a good job with pretty decent pay. I work for the city going to old people's homes and do stuff for them like do their dishes or make them food, do their laundry or other personal tasks, depending on how able they are. I am feeling wary about continuing it now though as the weather gets colder. With cold weather comes sick employees which means 2 things: 1. Working double in the same amount of time because half of the workers are sick or "sick" (HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN YOU'D THINK). And 2. Possibly getting sick myself from switching from indoor to frigid outdoor so frequently throughout the day. Then I wouldn't get to call in sick whenever I damn well please (like the rest of the population in Sweden) because I would be a substitute and therefore not get sick pay. Another thing that sucks about the job is when old people go evil and verbally abuse you (not very often though).

What? You went to Sweden and now you're working in this type of service job?!??!?! Did you waste your education!?!??! What a waste of life?!?!?
Oh relax people!
1. Have a little respect for service jobs
2. Service jobs are extremely respectable & common long-term careers here and they pay nearly as much as any other career here (yay socialism)
3. Um, hellO, don't you realize that I'm getting some valuable first-hand experience with one of the fastest growing markets of our time, the elderly?!?? Don't you think that elderly care will be a huge industry for years to come? Don't you think they will want administrators or marketers who know the industry??
4. And even if 3 is wrong or irrelevant to me, it's called Life Experience. Dad said you don't go to college to be something, you go to learn something. I have learned so much at this job too, things I never would have been able to experience if I went straight to a (BORING) office. Maybe I will decide to be a doctor from all this anyway.
5. My Swedish has gotten so good, especially learning Old-timer words. Valuable lessons like Don't you know what a potholder is!!!??? ("no, I don't, but thanks for teaching me!" was my exact, cheerful response to the mean old lady) and a stressful made-me-wanna-cry yelling debacle taught me the word for "cardigan" as well as an alternative old-person word for blazer. Phew!! Plus, these days I've gotten really good at smalltalk too, seriously.

Those 5 points were not because I am insecure about the job I got here, but because I know for a fact that I have very critical family members who think I'm so awesome that I should be hired as a doctor-lawyer combo today on the spot. That was for them.

To calm those critical people, I DO have a Marketing-oriented job too! For the city as well. It is pretty part-time but it's lots of fun! I'm an ambassador for a youth project that I participated in. I present (and represent) the project to people in the target group (ages 16-24), spreading the word about it and showing my face at activities where I get to mingle and meet people and make sure they know about the opportunities awaiting them. The project is for young people to find out and work toward their goals in life regarding studies, work or entrepreneurship. I went there myself and got great tips for job searching, some free practical courses, among many other invaluable things!

As for other occupations, my CV (resumé for you Americans) is starting to be more unbalanced in that more of the jobs were in Sweden than in the US. I've worked in German-speaking customer service, tourism/hostess, VIP lounge hostess for international VIP guests at an annual worldwide youth soccer tournament, and even worked as a waitress for 2.5 hours (NO THANK YOU). I even got offered a job for $40/hr being a tour guide in German (scary) but was forced to say no because I had to volunteer for my free musical festival ticket. That was a bummer. But if I had skipped the volunteer work I would have had to pay tons of money...


The "What Will Happen" part will have to wait for another day. Sorry to cause so many people so much suspense.